the water melon opened up to me today
48 hours of threats and no sleep was just too much for it
(okay i admit i had to scratch it a couple of times)

on it i wrote down my fears
1. i fear that i will get fat (is fatophobic a word?)
2. i fear that i won't be able to go to a uni that satisfys me
3. i am afraid of the tingly feeling that you get when you ride a rollar coaster
4. i am afraid that i will find myself alone and old with two cats named fluffy and kitty when i get up in the morning

then i started to look inside myself
(it was a weird funny feeling, but it felt like the most natural thing to do)
under a pile of picture books i saw a sunflower
or should i say shadeflower?
it bent not towards the sun
but towards the darkness
the sunflower wouldn't hear my cries as i told to the follow the light
it bent stubbornly and wouldn't turn
i coaxed it and pleaded but it only told me this:
what you see now is who you are
you made these choices
you can also make changes, if you really wish
i bend to the darkness because is if you peer carefully
the real light dazzeles from within

sunflowers are so darn self-centered!