i want

I want my PhD

I want to be invited to the middle east to disappear into texts for a month
while dining with friends in the late afternoon, when the old city sunlight hits the wailing wall, when mosque sirens beckon the faith full, and friends pour wine over plates of figs, cheese and Palestinian olives from 1000 year old trees

I want to see jesus in hawaii this summer, early, and I want to see old friend of the tireless muse in tainan, late

I want to help ken build the hot tub in the backyard (already in progress)

I want to send my love in packages (already in progress)

I want to take a position in a small town
no one was written to death already
Salem
Portland
a place that has small town characters and strange festivals
involving harvests like a
"squash festival"
"pumpkin throwing contests"


I want someone who can keep me alive
and going in a world that is seemingly at
times hell bent on doing otherwise,

I want someone who inspires me at my darkest hour
I want to inspire in the darkest hour

I want to take long sabbaticals from work
I want Italy to want me

I want to see some asshole get what he deserves,
even when that asshole is me

I want others to see in them, what I see in them
I hope i convey just how little of anything is impossible

I don't want to justify my ego, "whether I'm a man, or not man,"
according to how many women I've conquered,
or conquered lately
cuss that's what that is
hanging women like stuffed animals above
a roaring fire, thinking Im hemmingway,

unless women want to be stuffed above the fireplace
im against noncensual stuffing

I want to continue looking at sports for what they really are...
men, like dogs, will chase a ball...
but different than dogs, we play baseball...
we kill ourselves over balls to prove we have them
we dive into crowds,
we run into walls,
just so we can catch...a ball...
dogs never do this

I want dogs
a pack of them
I want Irish wolf hounds
and an old old jeep Cherokee
with wood paneling on the sides
I want a woman who will love/hates the smell of that car

I want to see Jon cook in a funny hat

and then it would seem,
with all the years this may seem to occupy,
some vast, some now

I would be happy enough just to
stay here with you

listening to wind
being interupted by text messages

and looking at the sand at the bottom
of an ancient yellow bathtub