red prophet working as an ait interrogation specialist:


R:How do you plan to assimilate to the local culture?

INT: I...I dont know, ...be nice, friendly

R. Wrong!

INT: Ohh ok...I dont know

R: Well then..let me blunt...there are certain things one must do, to fully become Taiwanese
You just cant marry the first hapless naive girl you met from a wretch photo catalogue..
There is more...

INT: More?

R: First, to become Taiwanese...you must promise to take pictures of your food before you eat..

INT: Pictures of food?

R: Very important. In case of possible food poisoning, hospitals can look at your cell phone pictures and now what you ate. Very important!

INT: Pictures of food...ok

R: Second...You must fully commit yourself to taking every stupid self obsessed facebook psychology test that comes your way

INT: Stupid facebook...ok

R: You must love the Yankees

INT: Yankees

R: You must occasionally dress like you are going to class at Harvard..Or Yale, even if you just going down the street for hotpot.

INT: Yale?

R: YALE!

INT: I didn't even...go to Univ...

R:Doesn't matter...appearances...matter!

Lastly...and this ones big...

INT: Ok...

R: Never...ever...learn to speak chinese

INT: Why...but I want to...assimilate

R: If you learn chinese...you will have to leave Taipei...and leaving Taipei is bad
Taipei is the best place on earth...ask any Taiwanese. When Taiwanese say "Im from Taipei," they are saying..."Im a golden gift from God." If you learn chinese you will need to leave Taipei

INT: But I dont understand?

R: If you learn chinese...people in Taipei can not make fun of you...Which is the real reason your here...So we can make fun off you...If you speak Chinese in Taichung...Tainan....Kaosiung...HAHAHA Silly big nose..."We can speak Taiwanese in Kaosiung." But in Taipei...you take the fun of having you in our country...nobody speaks Taiwanese in Taipei

INT: I will never learn chinese

R: Good...Welcome to Taiwan...or as we call it here at AIT
Chinese Taipei...Touch your heart...and well help you touch your wallet