this is silly
i murmur to myself

my chin is resting on my knees
and my arm encircles my mom's right calf
hugging myself and her right calf

she clicks through the powerpoints

is this what being generation X means?
i think to myself
having powerpoints of how much parents care for their children

mom's hand grabs mine in the third slide
where the author writes about pushing her son into the metal doors of kindergarten

she sees his stub of a silhouette tottering

chubby hands wiping off the snot and tears

mom's hand quavers a bit during the fifth

they are at the airport

her son walks into the terminal and doesn't look back

the powerpoint is complete with music

singing how happiness is so much like sorrow

this is silly

i think as i cry

he likes where she has gone in recent days
this digging into the past
the smiles of farmers with capped teeth
the greatest man alive
the money burning
and the selfishness of the gods
the doctors taking blood
but shes right
she understands the mother
the way she invests her soul in the small things
he thinks she is seeing that in her as well

it is all the small things that count

without the small things it all becomes a blur
without the details we try to hold on to
things just go as numb as the sky in Taipei
in January

time knows us better than we know ourselves
she laughs at us when we see her
walking away from the garden
the glimpse of the a young naked girl
before she disappears into
large fronds of tropical splendor
she
time
she knows us
as they say today
"there is no there"
she was there before the garden

he loves that she gets the small things
the devil is in the details is what
they'd say in an empty class room
after the lecture
and the sound of seasonal fall
in the maples
made a dry sound of leaves
outside the third floor

MEXICANS: Part one

i went into ez lube around nine thirty
and told the guy not to touch the air filters
just change the oil, the oil filter, and well call it even steven
i sat in the lobby and read about maggie the street girl
new york circa 1890

the guy next to me had a pony tail and slippers,
he went through his mail with an envelope knife
until the mexican ez lube guy
came up to him and told him
he had a nail in his tire
the pony tail said to leave it there
the ez cholo told him all about his car
he talked about it with such sincerity
this and that needed this and that
this is needed this now
or else the car wont work ectect
this sense of knowing

the pony tail wasnt fooled
he told them to check his abs light
and the cholo gave him a nod, rose, and went back into the pony tails
car to look at his abs light

when the cholo called my name and showed me that
he had taken out the air filters
he had this smile on his face
as I walked towards him
he was going to try and sell me air filters
its their job, they have to do it,
the have to try and sell you shit you dont need
hoping you dont know anything about cars
and that they can scare you, or guilt you,
into buying something you dont need
this america
this is ez lube
this is me about to grab the oil gun and
pump my own fucking oil into my car
cuss im not that american
im not played

she feels like reality is drifting away from her

or maybe she's drifting away from reality

i remember being angry at her
for asking me if I had gas money
outside the hospital
I got angry
because I was sorry
sorry all of this was happening
and why the fuck are you asking me about gas money?

when this has nowhere to go
it puddles in our little brains
and floods the vessels
it needs to go
cuss we want to live
we want to love
and we feel guilty when
we know we must part
we know that sometimes
we are driving that separation
and so they break our hearts when
for being so fake
so nice
happiness and talk of gas money
cuss we don't know what to say
we don't know what to think

we want to tell them
sorry

instead we scream for ponies

if its anything like macbeths wife and her hands
thats no good

i think a part of me is completly insane
but I know EXACTLY where that part is!

i feel like i'm that little wife in bluebeard

trying to rub off the red from my nails in the middle of the night