ive come the grips with the fact the last five years
of my life have meant nothing

well, grips, maybe not, I go from thoughts to grips rather quickly
as if it means i can ignore the fact that the only people
who understand what Ive done with half a decade are either
soldiers or travelers,
the first Im never in the company of and second I look
for in alleys like fellow vampires

for holloween I was myself
and I spent most of the night talking to Sarah Palin
at first I didnt recognize her and the introduction was ackward
seeing how I made a lasting impression and couldnt remember her
she produces reality television now

as the ghost that I was, disappeared for five years
I found myself stretching in conversations to think of
things that happened five years ago before I left
the night involved me hearing my name and then walking towards
the sound

the women all left around three about the same time the power went out
when the lights came back on Sarah Palin was gone

I wanna be queen of the valley when I grow up

I was just thinking
What's it like being a dorm bed?
Just laying there letting people come and go
having to get used to all kinds of people
different schedules different personalities different everythings

I think my dorm bed isn't ready to let me in
I think it's only pretending to like me
maybe it's cause of the stuffy feeling I get everytime before bed time
maybe I'm just too picky

I go about like a madman
not caring yet caring about everything
not noticing yet imagining about noticing
I always watch the little things that people don't bother with anymore
but I forget about the things people think I should remember
I am "almost hit by cars" constantly
there are things far more important than traffic to me
it's funny how alone we can be in a crowd
nobody wants to look alone yet none of us are ready to completely give aren't we?

It's easier to pretend to be crazy than to care about things

I've fell in love with a feeling recently
you know the feeling you get when you spin and spin and spin to the point where you're nauseous and silly with dizziness?
I think it should become a kind of therapy
something about being sick and dizzy makes you get look this world at a broader perspective
my theory is that somehow problems spin off because of your high speed
you stop caring about trivial things when you feel so dizzy you can't think

queen of the valley

international business dept?

as in...students from south africa and estonia who
went to taiwan cuss their own countries wouldnt pay for their education
and they get you?

hahaha!@

ohhh lord

cholo is in quarantine for a suspected night slaying
of a male suitor to his precious mojo

fuck la

tomorrow im going to a halloween party in the valley

people in santa monica look down on people in the valley

fuck them too

people in valley are not snobs, ok they work in porn so what

i would rather go to a party full of nearly broke adult "actors"

than a bunch of pretentious PR studio people...

in fact, I realize that I really have a relationship with this city
and that im very possessive. I love her the best before everyone awakes
and when everyone else is asleep. I like the drive back to her between 4-6:30 a.m.
the drive from the valley through mullholland, or the best is to take the back way through the coast on pch, exit ocean blvd, and take main up to ocean park. I think I came here to die, Im at peace. happy halloween, expect pictures from the valley

ohh dear

my parents teach gym

i've justified myself in the International Business Department
by doing a couple of splits and walking around with my name tag pinned in my hair and doing whatever i fell like

nobody can pull off a name-tag pinned on hair better then I can

why do everybody else put their name tag on their shirts?

i keep looking at it and hitting into it when moving

so i pinned it on my hair

and i forgot it's existence

isn't how it's supposed to be isn't it

nobody goes around thinking that their who and who

they just are

ohh dear

you know what they say about teachers

"Those who cant do...teach

and those who cant teach

teach gym."

I almost studied a summer at Oxford

back before my mind was wonderfully destroyed on sugar, early punk, and the lyrics of public

enemy.

i just recently filled a thiry gallon aquarium with fish, and I cant believe how telling their

behavior is...I have named the dominant fish cholo, the female, mojo, the others haven't justified

themselves worthy of an identity yet