the way out is through

something I can never have

i will be carefull with your name
i will covet things unsaid
if it means to dream of you that night

you were making wings for an airplane
cutting wood with a jigsaw
i yelled because I didnt think you knew what you were doing
I told you it wouldnt fly
you walked away
I will covet things unsaid
I couldnt understand why you needed to make an airplane
clearly everyone else was dressed for halloween
there was adrian
dressed as richard nixon
I was just in love with you still
I will covet things unsaid

I caught up to you and didnt say a word
i sat you down across from me
you crossed your legs and looked at the ground
I lifted your head and our mouths met
I will covet the things unsaid
I awoke in time to realize
I couldnt remember how you felt
it had been too long
I will be carefull with your name
because the face is already something
Ive forgotten to feel
I tried to taste that kiss
the way it should have been
my mind can create you in dreams
so real
but it can not feel a thing
I will covet the way we left
the name I will no longer say to anyone
if it means to dream of you again

i laugh more often now; i cry more often now

i wish

young folks

"500 days of summer, have you heard of it?" I looked at him, desperate for a starter, it was so awkward meeting him again as friends, or maybe we were meeting as X boy/girl friends.

"Yeah, I’ve noticed the movie. One believes in love, the other doesn’t." He looked into me, searching for the wisps of happiness that used to be there before every time I was with him. He wasn’t used to me being melancholy, well, maybe he got used to my emotional ripples during the end of our relationship, but still, he didn’t see the break-up coming. I sort of slammed it into him face.

"You believe in love." I did that a lot. I disguised questions as facts when I knew the person had believed in what and what before. But people change. So I was half questioning, I should have said do you still believe in love or something but that wasn’t how I worked. I like assumptions, just as long as they aren’t made on me.

"Do you?" He didn’t want to see a stranger. He still wanted me to be the person he had loved, or maybe still loves.

"No. Love is overrated."

"You believed in love. You used to hold on to me and ask what would you do if I left you first. You used to wonder how would you go on without me. You believed in love." He was accusing me. He was accusing me of abandoning him, wasn’t he supposed to be the one that should have left first?

"Maybe I still do, I still believe in love, just that its not for me. I shouldn’t do love." I had thought about this problem recently. Or maybe I was jumbling romance with love. Anyway, romance turns into habits and then habits turn into something that ties you down. I think it’s the surprise element. People are shallow. Everything that orbits around us are just toys to make our stay in this dimension more worth while, or at least to make us feel more worth while. How many toys would you really like if there was nobody to take it away from you? My favorite teddy was the one I stole from my sister, and I still go to sleep with him.

"Yes, you still believe in love."

I looked at him, not knowing what to say.

"You just love yourself."

a left cross

there isnt a shred of her left in him
already
they lasted a month
some would say less
he held on
he started dating her shortly after the x
the x
she threw a fish bowl at him
lacerated her own wrists
then blamed it on him at the hospital
he was taken in to custody
he told the officer the
bite marks were playfull
she had a dentist examine
her arms
the officers just passed him
tea and told him to seek a divorce


this one had small arms
the smallest arms he had ever seen
razor thin, not a mean trace of anything that
could hurt him
his friends said she was too skinny
for them
but he says shes at least a distraction
from the monster
she holds all the card
the one who struck him in the jaw
on the way to bed
a left cross
he tasted the iron, the mineral, almost machine taste of blood
then he pushed against it, he felt his mouth swell, the shredded parts of his lip
rubbing, get caught in his teeth

the razor thin arms
at least this one, the new one, she was
some one who couldnt lift a fishbowl